14 February 2015

Unconditional Love

"There's no one I'd rather be scared with than you" - Fortesa Latifi

Walking into this neither of us had any idea of the difficulties that lay ahead; there was no contract for you to sign to tie you in through the tough times, no warnings to shield, no hindsight to guide. Blindly, we dived in - head first and sure of everything. Boy, am I beyond glad that we did because we have had some really good times pre & post illness; making up the stacks of memories that I'll carry with me throughout the seasons.

When my health started to deteriorate it wasn't easy for anyone; weeks became months and we were still without an explanation. My thoughts were dominated by all the unanswered questions and it became second nature to doubt myself, but you held the kind of trust in me that renewed my confidence and stopped me from surrendering to the label of "it's in your head". In the face of an answer that wasn't so easy to swallow and knowing that this would be more of a long-term thing you didn't flinch, and remained unwavering in your positivity that we would somehow find a way through. Living amidst symptoms that changed by the day I was so thankful for that constant.

On deciding to sit down to put pen to paper, or rather fingers to keypad, the one thing I realised was that these things didn't just happen to me, they happened to you too and in turn for every wound I bear, you own the scar to match. It's no secret, either, that you have missed out on a lot because of me, and my circumstances and I know that you'll brush it off with an "It's worth it", but I want you to know that that means the world to me, and I have so many dreams for you. Although in reality you are just as helpless to it all as I am, you've shared the load with every hand hold and every stupid joke that has split my sides in that 'so unfunny that it's funny' kinda way.

I'm not too proud to say that our journey has taken us through some deep and dark winter nights, but I have never been cold. We have bonded through these not so great times, and call me crazy, but I think it was the place where you made the swift transition from just a boyfriend to my best friend. It amazed me that you were still able to sweep me off of my feet whilst I spent so much of the time horizontal.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that we are bound not by illness, but by the love we share, and I think it's a pretty great achievement that we have defied the labels that could have so easily consumed us. Now I know there are few things I'm sure of, life can take a turn at any time, free of the pressures of convenience, but the one thing I can always be sure of is that whatever happens, I'll find shelter with you.

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