11 January 2015

Sometimes it all gets really overwhelming

So, you may have noticed that I was out of action for the better part of the month of December; don't worry you haven't missed out on any wild or spontaneous Christmas excursions and by the end of this post, hopefully, you will be able to count yourself filled in!
It's been a season chockablock with significant health hiccups, a case of set back after set back, and unfortunately what with all the festivities of the last few months, alongside family commitments I haven't been able to catch my breath, let alone get back into the habit of writing here each week. During all the madness, however, I have attempted to keep you updated on my new Instagram and if you are looking for some extra reading material, I shared some of my favourite blogs to read here last week. 

I haven't yet had the chance to delve into the specifics of my chronic illnesses here on the blog, and I intend to talk about my experiences in more detail this year (watch this space!). In November I had my fourth major vertigo attack, which left me completely bedbound for a number of weeks. Towards the end of the month I started to notice different symptoms from my norm and just felt altogether extra poorly; upon investigation we realised that I had an infection and although it was quickly cleared by a course of good ol' anti-Bs I was left feeling very washed out and fatigued. A few weeks later the bad luck continued and my papa brought home a nasty cold - that one pretty much finished me off! If you're interested in reading more about the difficulties of being ill on top of being chronically ill, check out Sophia's blog post here

Aside from illness, something that I am equal parts anxious and thrilled about, that I don't think I have yet mentioned is that we have sold our house and found a new place over an hour away! *Jumps for joy* For someone who's lived in the same spot all their life, moving outside of the county is a big deal - a little extra to add to my worry pot, albeit a pretty darn exciting one. New year, new start!

So all in all, there have been quite a few, what I call (cheeky Miranda reference for all of you mourning the end of the series), paper bag moments and a constant underlying feeling of "Help! I'm sinking!". Sometimes I find myself feeling entirely helpless to the storm, but I'm slowly learning to become my own lifeguard; breathing through each day, using my dreams as the armbands that keep me afloat and letting whatever is out of my control take it's course. There will always be times when no matter how much positive energy we chuck at a situation it just doesn't want to pipe the beep down, and we have no choice but to endure all of the uncomfortable heart flutters and sweaty palms. I guess these are the things that help us to grow, as I was lovingly reminded by my friend Meg "Every flower must grow through dirt". I really appreciate the support of all my spoonie sisters and all their encouragement and inspiration for me to spur on despite the difficulties.

If you're really perceptive you may have realised I have quite the hot and cold relationship with my blog, it can be hard to commit to weekly or even monthly posts when you are faced with the stone-cold reality of being chronically ill. I have realised that there will always be obstacles and that the most sensible decision I can make is to prioritise my health, with the comfort that my ambitions will still be there when I am better rested. Even though I will continue to make a conscious effort to smell the roses, I'm happy to accept that things may not always be rosy.

In the words of T. Swift I think we are out of the woods and should be back for the new year, with a bit of luck! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that things will continue to settle down.

I hope that everyone had a magical Christmas and New Year 

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